Lest we forget

"They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old:

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.

At the going down of the sun, and in the morning

We will remember them.

Lest we forget."

The start of my curvy style journey. Help a girl out.

So. Recently I have had a bit of a "lightbulb" moment.
I got another year older.
With birthdays often come deep thinking and self evaluation.

I wanted to present myself better. To feel prettier.
My wardrobe is lacking.
I don't really know what to do with myself anymore.
I don't really know what works for me. What my personal style is. But I think it could be fun to find out.

Since having 3 kid in just under 5 years I never really figured out how to dress my changed body.
I am plus size (much nicer than typing fat). I kept telling myself I would buy myself "this" or "that" when I lost weight. I would wear dresses when I lost weight. I would wear skirts. I would buy nice jeans. I would be stylish when I lost weight.

The thing is though over the years I have yoyo'ed a bit but still stayed plus size (once again its just nicer).

But recently I have decided that you know what? Even at the size I am I am worth nice things.
I often see beautiful plus size women who are presented so well. I never think negative things about them, I always think wow she looks great, I love that *top/dress/skirt etc*. I wondered why could I not be that person?
I have started browsing the net for photos of stylish plus size women. I have looked on instagram. I am starting to see styles of dress and skirts etc I would like to try.

A friend of mine Tracy (her BLOG) recently mentioned on Facebook the same old dilemma. Wanting to find her style but not knowing where to begin. We both decided to take the bull by the horns and attempt to do a wardrobe post each week. Nothing like jumping in feet first.

Since then I have tried paying around with my clothes a bit. Sometimes I feel a bit unsure but I think it is more just the fact that I am not used to thinking about it beyond throwing a clean pants and top on.
I had hoped to put up a post about this last week but I got sick, then struggled with how I was going to take photos of myself, by myself, Ohhh what a dilemma to have.

I am not saying I am happy with my body. But I am saying I am worth more than hiding away. More than just putting on what fits even if it doesn't make me feel good.

I need to accept myself at every stage.
Being plus size does not mean I am a bad person or unworthy of feeling pretty.
It just means I am bigger.


It is going to be a slow transformation of the closet because my clothes budget it very small. So I am hoping to get things that can be mixed and matched.
I am thinking affordable accessories will make a big difference.


So I hope to share some posts and outfits on here over the next while.
I would love you to share other blogs that might give me ideas or just plain inspire me?
Online stores that cater well to plus size?
Articles or just plain anything that might give a girl some ideas?
Am I going to have to get a friend to take pics of me *cringe*?
So much to figure out.

10 thoughts for right now

A note from little man (5yrs)

1. I got sick (probably a spider bite we think) and fell off A-Z wagon. Oh well. I will try again next year and be a better planner.

2. It is school holidays. I really enjoy the holidays mostly. But today I am feeling stressed out after taking my 3 kiddos to town to do jobs and groceries.

3. It is very much autumn here in Southland. At the moment it is very wet and a bit cold. It would be fine if we had plenty of wood for the fire but we don't.

4. I am hating having our rental for sale. I hate having to deal with real estate agents. I feel like I pay my rent this should be our home. But it feels like it is being violated and not for our benefit.

5. I am searching for a new rental. Please let something just right show up soon.

6. I am in a bit old hormonal slump. I think its a bit of my depression and anxiety mashed with monthly hormones that leave me with about 3 days a month I really just feel such a deep dark sadness I cannot shake. At least I know what it is and that it will pass.

7. I am really having issues with how much our grocery bill is climbing. I know I make some choices that cost more (natural cleaners, good peanut butter and jams etc) but I feel like it is getting crazy, especially since I have cut out buying coke (I have only cheated a couple of times and gotten lemonade instead). I guess I need to really spend a bit of time on where I am wasting money. How to save money without losing quality food.

8. I have been sneaking lots of moments scrapbooking and really loving it. Even if the real estate agent has make rude remarks about my craft corner in the lounge. 

9. We are going to our very first ANZAC dawn service tomorrow. 

10. I have been having some really nice talks to a special friend of mine Jaimee lately. We have similar dreams and goals. Our friendship has grown into a really wonderful thing over the years. We are hoping to set aside some times to work together each week on our goals/dreams and help each other DO IT. 

(A-Z Challenge) K is for Kids and how many?

I am taking part in the A-Z challenge.
I am behind.
I suck. lol
I am doing some quick catch up posts.

K is for Kids and how many?

Growing up I always new I wanted to be a mother.
It is the one thing I knew I was going to do.

I always wanted a big family.
I dreamed of a big rambling weatherboard country home.
A vege garden.
A big kitchen.
Lots of colour.
Lots of kids.
8 of them.

Yip I wanted 8.

Then in my late teens I got realistic. Pfftt. 8 was just being silly.
So I dropped it down to 6.
Because that is so much more realistic? lol.

I now am 31. I have 3 kids.
I am single so I probably won't be having any more.
There is no man on horizon and I am not all that bothered.
So yeah 3 will probably be my number.

I sometimes feel like I am overwhelmed with 3 kids.
So 6 might be a bit much.
8 would be crazy. lol

But sometimes I do still have that little daydream of the big country house.

Did you dream of a certain amount of kids?
What did you end up with?

(A-Z Challenge) J is for Joss

I am taking part in the A-Z challenge.
I am a little behind so I apologize.
Quick posts ahoy.

J is for Joss
aka Joss Stone.

Joss stone is awesome.
I love her voice.
I love her style.

Here are a few of my favourites.

This one... Not her original song of course, but I love that she performs in bare feet.

Ok so a random post.
But an amazing singer.

(A-Z Challenge) I is for Idiopathic intracranial hypertension (WARNING. Some post surgery pictures included)

I am taking part in the A-Z challenge. I am a bit behind.
A crazy week threw things out of order around here.
I am doing some slightly shorted posts to attempt to catch up.

I is for Intracranial hypertension.

2 years ago I was diagnosed with Idiopathic intracranial hypertension aka Pseudotumour cerebri.

Long story short my body either makes to much spinal fluid or does not drain enough. The pressure rises in my head. Squeezing tight. Giving me headaches, migraines, very painful eyes, the feeling that my eyes are being pushed out of my head, sore ears and whooshing sounds and hearbeats in my ears, I get a very stiff and sore neck, I sometimes feel very foggy headed, sometimes find it hard to focus. Worst of all near the end of was actually losing my sight, I would have a dizzy spell type sensation and my vision would totally fade out. I was very slowly because of the pressure behind my eyes going blind.

Basically I present with the symptoms of a brain tumour (hence the name Pseudotumour). It sucks.

Surgery #1 April 2011

Surgery #2 May 2012

Surgery #3 May 2012

I underwent neuro surgery in April 2011 and got a VP (Ventricular-Peritoneal) shunt inserted in my brain.
When the pressure rises the shunt functions to drain some fluid into my stomach.

When it works well, it works well. When it doesn't, it doesn't.
I have had it replaced twice since then. I have had it reset itself, block, etc.
It isn't fool proof. But I am still grateful to have it.

I have lost quite a bit of vision but am grateful going blind is not in the cards at this point.
I also no longer have migraines every single day.

There is no real cause for this. Some people get it after a head injury, or it has in cases been linked back to certain medications. But for most there is no cause, no reason.

It is mostly called an overweight woman of child baring age disease.
I know now many woman do fit that bill, I do. But many do not. Men get it, children get it.
I know of woman who lost the weight and didn't get better, some got worse.

I hope healthy changes will help me a bit. But I can't know for sure.

If you would like to know more about Intracranial hypertension. If you found this and feel like you have the symptoms here are some good links with more information.

Wikipedia

Intracranial hypertension research foundation

Intracranial hypertension Australia

Look on facebook there are a few pages and groups that offer amazing support.

I have written a few previous posts you can find them HERE.

I would be happy to talk to anyone who might find this and need some support with their IH journey.
It can feel very lonely at times.

xoxo

(A-Z Challenge) H is for Happiness

I am taking part in the A-Z challenge.
I am behind. ARGH.
Crazy week.

So I will do some short and sweet posts to hep myself catch up.

Via pinterest. If you know the original source please let me know.

H is for happiness.

Are you happy?

For many many many years I would have said NO. Not really.
I was in a dark hole of depression. Anxiety filled moments fulled my days.
I spent my days mothering and hiding from life.

I loved mothering. I poured my love into my children.
But at the same time I hid away.

Now a hop skip and a jump later I am different.
I still live with depression and anxiety but today I can look it in the eye and know it is there.
I can breathe through a hard moment and remind myself it is not as scary as it seems.
I can keep the worst of my depression away by taking my medication and by doing simple things (getting outside each day, taking quiet moment to stop and think each day, doing things that bring me joy etc).

So I fill my days with chores, children, mindless TV and moments of simple happiness.

Here is a short list of things that bring me moment of happiness and joy.

1. Making tea
2. Enjoying said tea, even better if its from my happy yellow teapot.
3. Reading.
4. Listening to music (Music my therapy. For real).
5. Crafting. Even if I only snag a 5 minute window it helps.
6. Taking a photo.
7. Writing.
8. Closing my eyes, and listening, smelling and feeling the moment wash over me.
9. Baking.
10. Sitting outside and just appreciating how amazing nature is.
11. Going for a no reason walk.
12. Cuddling my children.
13. Putting on perfume.
14. Lighting my favourite incense.
15. Thinking of things I am grateful for in that moment.
16. Having a random super loud dance party with my kids.
17. Doing a RAK.
18. Finding a random way to love my children.
19. Text a friend.
20. Email a friend.
21. Hop on a favourite blog. Leave a nice comment thanking them for inspiring me.
22. Email a company I have received great service from recently and thank them (I bet they get more negative emails than positive ones sometimes)
23. Smile.
24. Put food out on the front lawn for the birds and sit and watch.
25. Pinterest.

OK that is a quick but random list of things that bring happiness in small doses to my heart.

xoxo