Last night I sat on my bed and thought of all the change that needs to happen around here.
A hard day does that to me. Makes me reevaluate.
I typed my last post and started planning in my head.
I then hopped onto Facebook and there some slightly harsh. Not terribly helpful words left me in a sad place.
Then I tried to sleep. I am not a good sleeper at the best of times. My mind is so full of noise and colours that I cannot shut it off. There is no off switch, or sleep function to my mind. But last night I lay in bed and cried. I cried myself to sleep.
How dramatic does that sound? Quite. I am aware.
I typed out my last post and thought that would be enough to quieten my mind. But after Facebook it wasn't.
The tears flowed and I judged myself. I wondered if I am really doing it all so wrong?
I decided no I am not.
But some changes do need to be made.
Made because I know they do, not because of words on Facebook.
I need to pick myself up. Dust myself off. Then keep on keeping on.
It is OK to struggle. It is OK to not always be my best.
It is OK. I am OK.
All will be OK.
Today has been quiet.
My mind has been free to wander.
I have read. I have talked to my little ones. I have snuggled.
I have sat outside and just let myself be.
I need to be kind to myself.
1 comment:
Oh my I know that kind of head space...full of noise & colour, with no off switch! I don't think you're the slightest bit melodramatic...I think that you have a HUGE amount to cope with! And you do so incredibly well with it all! I am just trying to master piles & piles of stuff too & finding the overwhelming bit coming in waves. At least I have managed to list 5 things on Trade Me tonight. My Anna has just been told that her house is being put on the market & she has to find another place to live...a million reassurance phone calls & Mum will you take our cat...& oh oh panic attack....!!! She has found somewhere quite quickly but now there's all the sorting & getting rid of stuff & Kaitiaki is trying hard to help (7) but you know how it is (& she's on her own). I've always got pretty pissed off with the black & white brigade..it's just not that simple.. but good for you for thinking it all through so well So wish I had thought of that 10 minute time out for me thingo when David used to talk & talk & talk. He still comes home to chat & it's so nice now that he does..when he needs to. It'll all be ok, yes it will. Big hug x0x0x0x
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