|Reminding myself of this.|
This is a blog post where I spew words and see if they make any sense what so ever.
This past weekend was a long, draining one.
Something happened with one of my kiddos that threw me. It was a bit of a mishap. But it could have been worse.
It was a new parenting territory. I was forced to look at myself, at my kids. Really critically.
Am I doing enough? Am I teaching them enough? Do I talk to them enough? Do I listen enough?
Are they going to be OK? What am I doing wrong? What am I doing right?
A lot went through my mind and at lightning speed. My head was a swirling. It was unpleasant.
By the end of the day I was exhausted.
I was sad. I was overwhelmed. I was scared.
I want to badly to do right by these kids. I want to guide them through hard times.
Two days later I am still looking at myself and wondering where I can do better.
How I can serve them better.
I know I am lucky it wasn't anything huge.
I know parents handle far worse things every day.
But for me, it was a fright.
Being their mumma is the biggest blessing. I want to strive to do this job as best as I can.
As these kids get bigger the things I have to watch for, to talk about and things that happen are so much bigger, so much more serious. They are so much closer to being grown and their problems start to get more grown, their emotions are bigger and dealing with them is harder for them.
I feel so overwhelmed by these new stages.
I know I grow along the way with these kids. I have adapted to all the stages before this one and I will again. I just feel like this stage is a big one, one they will really remember. I don't want to stuff it up.